Charm Clutton
the realization
everything i do is for the benefit of others. The only thing I gain from it is knowing that I am helping others. And yet people can be so disdainful to say that I don’t do anything and that I am not a loyal friend. Ouch.
I’m not the best daughter coz I had to get sick. Where is the justice in the world, I never asked for anyone to take care of me just be there to support me I can handle myself.
I don’t want fights I hate drama and I certainly hate when my day is ruined by bullshits and all the other things, but people are just that way I’ve tried long enough to not mind them but it will all burn down to a large pile of shit at the end of a long realization period. People you thought would be there for you—like they have said on numerous occasion??—well no they aren’t exactly here right now are they? just somewhere trying to avoid my situation.
family, yup just there when they need something from me. People. Gosh and I still believe that there is goodness in everyone. Where? I dunno. In someways I can say some of my family’s words were right — you just can’t trust anyone.
You only can rely on yourself because if you wanted to simply trashtalk yourself no problem you wouldn’t be caught off guard since you would know why you’re doing that to yourself.
The world is a mess—Now I can say that I know the feeling where you simply want to run away from everything and just get a way.. far a way and take a breather. Just a minute you know. I don’t know if I’m gonna get better with all these feelings inside of me. I’m guessing half the reason why my body is physically weakened is because of this. I don’t wanna blame anyone for this—but I can name a few but then again what’s the point? fingers will only point to yourself—if you’ve been smart enough to be the brick wall and never let anyone get to you..
oh well a good reminder to those be your own bestfriend and God’s “coz this will be the only way you will find your path without getting hurt, betrayed, fooled etc. be loyal to yourself and to those who are worthy and it takes more than years to know who will be there to catch your shit and those who will disappear when you need them—friends, family, you name it.
